To Remember the Dead is to Care the Living

As it is written when I was still back in Kedah then….

Tomorrow morning, I will be leaving Kedah, thus ending my 4 days here.

I can still remember the days me and my cousin jumping on my grandfather’s bed and wrestle on each other.

At that time, I used to get asthma attack, after the play, I always have difficulty in breathing, so I immediately get out from the room and immediately sit down quietly beside my grandfather to watch TV before I continue again after that.

As for the later days, I enjoy cycling around the Malay village here using my Grandpa Antique Japanese Bicycle. I enjoy the friendliness and simple lifestyle around the neighbourhood, that I got so much chance to reflect a lot on the actual way to happiness is simply contentment.

Every time I am going to return back to Penang, my Grandfather will put up the same line that is to stay longer.

I can’t forget the way both my grandparents stood outside and wave back as we make our way home.

Not to forget, my Grandpa will force me to accept some Ringgits before I go back, as I will usually reject by saying my parents would not be happy if I take it, and he will raise his voice more this time asking me to keep it.

This time around, the same thing seems to happen. But, maybe a difference is I will get one lesser goodbye wave from my Grandma.

The 2 most important woman in my life

When my Grandmother still take control to the home kitchen, I will say that her home-made Char Siew Pau, Huan Chu Pau (Potato Bun) and her Chai Kueh are the best.

In the pain on her knee for many years, even the Dr must not have found out that here best pain reliever was to roll the dough and folding the dumplings for her grandchildren every time we return.

A dedicated and always be remembered Grandmother

I can’t thank God more for giving me the chance to take care of her in her last few years.

I won’t know if it has been my best, but if I am given another chance, I will still secretly hold her cold clammy wrinkled skin when she is sleeping and to accompany her when she always trusted me to hold her walking aid while she try to lift herself up and walk a few rounds around the house.

I always miss holding her hand to walk on her aid

Por Por once said, “Study well, don’t let your parents down, when you be a doctor, I might not be around anymore”. I always gave a quick reply not because the words didn’t get into me, I just do not want her to see my true-self how much I fear and sad I am if it is true.

This month mark her 1 year since she leave, I just hope to collect more good Karma for her to earn a better place in her after-life as much as she deserve.

Those who have left, accept it. Those who are still living, appreciate them.

I can’t miss the phone call to my Grandfather every Friday.

Though the conversation is usually with the same question, but I know it is different, that is that single day you still have them listening to you.

In the meditation, we breath in and out with the reflection of our ancestors and understand that they are in us, and we are in them. We are the new seeds the parent tree bear, as how the new trees grow from the seeds.

When will I come back to this place again?

It’s not important.

I cannot be stuck in the past and future.

May the living live well and happy, with all their loved ones appreciating each other.

May the departed ones under the light of Nirvana, to be never reborn into the realm of human.

 May all be well and happy!!